Ah I.T... the one subject where I can be on the computer without anyone caring I am on the computer. I'm meant to be revising something to do with databases, but well... I'm bored with it. I've been away quite a while. Mostly because the fucking father appears to have successfully blocked me from logging in to bravenet it appears. God, why can't he just stop meddling. I hate it when people do that; my mother is best at it. I'm hungry. I had breakfast about four hours ago, and I don't have any lunch. Oh well, I have been thinking of dieting for quite sometime, especially since my family are always like "oh, Jessica you're so fat" bla bla bla, and "I could fit into that dress when I was thirty" *everyone chuckles except me*. I guess they don't realise how much they upset me. I got so angry the other day I tried to cut myself. I managed a little scratch and some blood on my arm, using a pair of garden clippers (I know, I know!), but I was in the garage at the time and there was nothing else to use, so I tried them. I also punched my face very hard several times, but there aren't any bruises, but it still hurts. People might think I'm weird to try self-harm, but when you're so angry and you feel like there's no point to your life, there never will be, and you feel like you're so stuck in a horrible rut, that you really don't care what the hell you do to yourself. Or at least I feel like that A LOT of the time. I sit in the bathroom crying for hours about anything, and I even cry because I can't hurt myself. It's weird, but that's me. And the other bad thing about it, is that no one else seems to notice. They all consider me the happy, optimistic Jess, with great plans, and wonderful family etc, etc. But it really isn't. I'd swap any day with Rachel for what she has. Her family might not have that much money, and it might only be half a family, but she is so lucky. Which of course she doesn't notice, as the lucky people never seem to do. I'm going to buy Smashing Pumpkins album at the weekened hopefully. And Rachel's late birthday present. And possibly my prom dress if I find one I like. If I don't find a dress I'm not going. I didn't really want to go in the first place, but after trying on several hundred dresses, I might just go. Might. Oh yeah- Raven, update your diaryland blog! And turn yeh bloody notes on! An for everyone else- please, please don't use those awful sound clips- they bugger up my computer majorly everytiem I try and go onto people's pages. That is all.

Hi there. I thought I would post. I can understand where you are coming from. I use to harm myself when I was frustraed with life. But maybe talking to somebody a friend or something first would help the urges. And don't listen to people when they say mean things. I hope you find a dress for your prom. If you want to talk I am here at times

what.

hello i'm it again bad i want too see da's i want you e-mail please ok?
my e-mail = nina_cool28@hotmail.com (dutch):Po:):P

smeagol where are you?
hy is is a hobbit hé? :P o:)
what's your ache?

You write very well, I love your writing style.
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Marvelous writing style, such an obvious time investment, keep doing a good job.
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